Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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