Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
