Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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