party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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