I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize