Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
