Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
