Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
