I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
