it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
