Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
