it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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