fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
