Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
