one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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