i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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