Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
