She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
