I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
