He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
