i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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