Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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