My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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