i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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