What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
