i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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