my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
