dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
