I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
