Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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