Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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