hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
