Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
