i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We have so much sex to catch up on
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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