he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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