Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Randomize
