She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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