Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
