That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
