I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
