I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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