One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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