I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
