I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
