You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
