please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
