this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I take back everything I said about communal showers
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
