I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
