Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
