I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I am mentally ready for anal.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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