6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
