the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
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