Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
