I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
