the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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