is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
