Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
