God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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