Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
