Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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