yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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