These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
