I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
