saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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