I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
