You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
