no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize