i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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