dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize