I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm getting married
To pizza
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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