I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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