this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
