i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
