Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
