He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
