All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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