Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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