proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's shark week go big or go home
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
