i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
