you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
