ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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