woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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